(ongoing) ‘A good marriage starts with tears,’ says an famous Kyrgyz proverb. Although I am originally from Kyrgyzstan, I only began to understand the violence behind this famous Kyrgyz proverb and the depth of the wounded souls they often leave when I met Jamilia. She is named after the main character from the worldwide known novel "Jamilia" of Chingiz Aitmatov. A story of two young lovers who leave their village and break a strong tradition to be able to live together. A story which tells with melancholy and full of tenderness the power of love that overrides everything. But countless stories of Kyrgyz women are stories of violence and tears. There is, for example, Samira. She is only one of around 12.000 to 15.000 annually for marriage kidnapped women according to the latest available data in Kyrgyzstan. She summed up in her handwriting: "He liked me, the man who kidnapped me, but I DID NOT like him. I could not imagine me with him, couldn't imagine it at all. And here is the result. After the kidnapping, I took some pills, I felt in a coma, and I became an invalid (chronically emotional distress). I want to ask him - How is your life going? My life is broken. I am lonely… Sick... " Samira survived her suicide attempt after she became a victim of the custom Ala Kachuu which means roughly translated "grab and run." "I am Jamilia" focuces on women of different ages and from different parts of Kyrgyzstan. Each woman has her own story. But all of them have one thing in common: they all have been kidnapped to get married. Some victims described the brutality of this practice. Often a group of young men grab a young woman or even a high school student in broad daylight, taking her violently into a car and driving away no matter if she is in panic, struggling, screaming and weeping. Once abducted, the young woman is taken immediately to the family of the would-be groom and subjected to psychological pressure by his female relatives. In too many cases, the groom will rape his kidnapped bride to prevent her from returning to her family due to shame. Bride kidnapping is a custom with deep roots, it raised and got a massive problem after the collapse of the Soviet Union. But there is an increasing reflection also on the psychological implications of those affected. Especially women who suffered lifelong under their traumatic experience being kidnapped want a different start into a marriage for their own children, both for their daughters and for their sons.

(ongoing) Born and raised in the former Soviet Union, but living in Europe, I'm used to different situations, conversations, and people asking me a simple question, just like "Where are you originally from?". But this question is not an easy one to me and mostly ends up with a long conversation about a widely unknown little country in Central Asia: Kyrgyzstan. But I am not from today's Kyrgyzstan. At that time, during my childhood, it was part of the Soviet Union. My early childhood memories are mostly memories of the time of a "Soviet child" in a country that no longer exists in this way. Today's Kyrgyzstan is an independent and democratic country. After the collapse of the Soviet Union and the country's subsequent independence in 1991, there was a time of significant political and social changes for the country and the region. The transition from the Soviet system to independence was not an easy one. The Kyrgyz nation went through difficult times of many years of socio-economic hardship that still continues today, especially in Kyrgyzstan's rural parts. My project, "Kyrgyzstan diary," is my personal view on a post-Soviet country. I see the dichotomy between the modern and the old. The varied images of traveling and documentaries of daily life situations and memorable moments are my personal experiences and encounters in a country that I still feel to be part of. Each time I am visiting the land of my childhood, I discover new unseen daily life moments. Sometimes just short moments which maybe seem to be unimportant. But all together they complete a little bit more my understanding of this country.